Love comes naturally to us. We do not need to learn theories or formulas about ‘how to love’ and then apply them in practical situations. It is as spontaneous as spring. It helps us bloom and find all the unexplored joy that we have never felt before. But, spring is not eternal. The seasons change, and most of us experience winter inside us. In these tough times, it is necessary to know how to unlove- how to forget and move for a new beginning, a new spring.
Our mind-palace is subtle, complex, and intricate. If you go on forcing your heart that you have to unlove someone, you will end up being trapped in the same place. Therefore, the first step is to understand and accept the situation. If you are thinking of unloving someone, then the ‘relationship’ has already taken a toxic turn. The irony is, whenever we distance ourselves from someone we really love, our mind fabricates logic to stick to that old place. We imagine things like the person might not be as bad or toxic as we think, probably he or she loves you secretly, probably he or she is also hurt…and so on. But, the truth is- you are hurt, you are alone, and you have to take care of yourself. Heal. Point out your wounds, take good care, and grow.
Accepting the fact that you are in a vulnerable state of mind does not necessarily weaken you, on the contrary, it makes you stronger. Believe in yourself. Keep repeating to your mind that you are a strong person. Cutting off the contacts, or stopping the conversation with a person whom you want to forget is not enough. You have to be strong enough to not stock him or her on social media. The person is not your possession. Respect his or her personal choices, privacy, and decisions. Forgiving is the first healthy step of forgetting.
There were other things and persons you used to love before meeting this particular person. Remember, and rediscover those forgotten memories. Hang out with friends. Buy yourself a nice dress, or maybe a ticket to the next Marvel movie. Learn something new a language, or an instrument. Explore the new cafes or beauty parlors. There, look in the mirror and whisper joyfully, “You’re beautiful. You’re doing well.”
It may happen that somebody has not given you the love you deserve. It may happen that somebody has chosen someone else instead of you. But, do not let that ‘somebody’ pass a final judgment on who you are. Unloving a person is all about rediscovering the self-love that you need to remember. Do not wait for others to come and give you comfort. Let it rain. Let it face the cold. You’re brave enough. Then, the best spring will come. It will come from within. You will find that everything seems beautiful when you feel complete. In spring, every flower blooms for itself.